Relationship Advice for Connecting Deeper
Whether we know it our not--we all want to connect deeper with someone or something. We might connect with animals instead of people but we all feel better when we are connected.
In committed relationships, that connection that we may have felt in the beginning of our relationship may come and go--and when it goes, we really feel it.
Here's a question along those lines from a woman...
"I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. We were engaged but recently we have been having some problems. He says that he doesn't feel a connection to me anymore, but he wants to work on getting the connection back. How do you go about getting the connection back in your relationship? I still love him more than anything in the world, he is the one who's feeling unsure about our relationship."
Connection is something that we can take for granted until we feel its absence. Here are a few suggestions for getting a connection back...
It's great that your boyfriend was honest with you about his feeling a lack of connection with you and he wants to get it back. We know that it doesn't feel great right now but it's much better to identify the "elephant" between the two of you than to bury it and pretend that it isn't there.
So here's what we suggest...
1. Talk about what you each want in your relationship. Chances are the "romance" may have faded a bit between the two of you--or it might be other things that you want more of that you aren't presently getting.
You say you love him--what do you want that love and your relationship to look like? He also needs to search his feelings and decide what kind of relationship he wants.
2. You both may have fallen into the "same old, same old" and you may not have felt it but he does. Do something fun together that you haven't done in a long time. Laugh together. Take a trip together. No, a trip doesn't solve deep problems in a relationship but it can help you to reconnect with why you feel in love with each other.
3. Practice being very honest with each other about what you are feeling and practice listening to each other. If you find that you are closing your hearts to each other, then open them.
4. If you can't seem to break-through this on your own, get the help from a coach or therapist who can help you both sort through your feelings.
Whatever you do, don't get married until you both feel that this is right. There may be many reasons for someone feeling disconnection and they might not have anything to do with you. The secret lies in looking inside oneself and being honest with what you are both feeling.
