Jealousy and Letting Go of the Past
One of the common denominators that many people who have jealousy as an issue have is that they experienced a betrayal in the past and they are transfering those feelings to their current partner who is really innocent.
Here's what one woman recently wrote to us...
"I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now, and he is the most perfect guy you could ever meet. He does everything for me. But all of a sudden, I have started getting really paranoid about whether he could be cheating on me or not. In my last relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me after 2 years and i did find it realy hard to let go. I know he would never cheat on me, and there are no signs that he could be, but i can not get these evil thoughts out of my head!!! I have told my boyfriend and he has tried to reassure me, but I still get them and I fear that I am starting to really upset him! Please help me, as I feel I'm starting to ruin my relationship."
This woman knows that she has to start doing something different and here's what we suggest...
Okay, you know that these jealous feelings that you are having are coming from thoughts and fears that have nothing to do with the present and have everything to do with your past. You are allowing yourself and your thoughts to stay stuck in the past. For some reason, you are clinging to this other relationship and your feeling of being a victim and not allowing yourself to embrace and enjoy your current partner who totally loves you.
Many times we cling to the past when we feel like we've been wronged, without resolving these feelings. When we don't resolve our feelings from the past, we carry them over to current relationships and can end up ruining them in the process.
So, we suggest that you do a couple of things...
1. Do a ritual to lay this past relationship to rest. Write a letter to your previous partner, telling him how much he hurt you and if possible, in this letter tell him how much you appreciate him leaving so that you could be open to having this relationship which is so much better. If you can, forgive him for what he did to you. We know that forgiveness can be very difficult but if you continue to carry this bitterness toward this partner, you will risk losing your current partner. So try to let go of holding on to being a victim and forgive him. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning his actions. Forgiveness means that you are no longer going to carry this hurt around with you. Now burn the letter, ritual style. See the energy that you've been carrying lift away from you.
2. Now whenever your thoughts go to your current partner cheating on you, you have to change the story in your head to what's happening in the present moment and what you want in the future. You can tell yourself something like this--"My love totally loves me and I feel safe and secure."
If you do these things and not allow those thoughts of cheating to roll around in your head, you will be well on your way to healing.
