Jealousy and Joking about Infidelity
Here's a question from one of our web site visitors that certainly may hit home for more than one person--
"I have been married for 3yrs and my husband makes jokes about having sex with other girls. How do I make this not bother me?"
The answer to your question about how to not let your husband's comments bother you is to simply deaden yourself and not care about yourself or the relationship anymore.
We think that you may be asking us the wrong question. In our opinion, the right question to be asking yourself might be "Do his comments bother me?"
If his comments do bother you, (and from your question we're guessing they do) you're going to want to let your husband know how much his comments hurt you. Continue to tell him how much his comments hurt you and don't stop until he stops with the jokes about having sex with other girls.
If your agreement in your marriage is that both of you will be monogamous, his comments are disrespectful and break this agreement. If you do not have a clear agreement about monogamy, then now is the time to find out what your agreements.
So often people in marriages aren't clear about their agreements. They are assumed and often these assumptions are different for each person.
We suggest that you get on the same page. Have a discussion without accusing him of anything. Just find out how you each feel about monogamy in your marriage.
We also suggest that you find out his motivation for these hurtful comments. Does he actually want to have sex with another woman? Does he just want to control you?
Is he saying these things to get a rise out of you and upset you so that he can feel good about himself and how desirable he may be both to you and to other people?
They may be coming from boredom and most likely fear.
Whatever the reason, it good to attempt find the motivation for these comments and listening to him is the only way to do that.
In any case, unless you want to stay in a pain-filled relationship with your husband you're going to have to find a way to let him know that his comments are unacceptable to you and that you won't stand for it.
If you choose to continue to allow your husband to say these kind of things and not tell him how much they bother you, then that kind of relationship you have is probably what you're going to have forever if you don't make some drastic changes in the way the relationship is.
We don't say this to alarm you but to simply to point out what we're seeing, thinking, and feeling about your comments about your relationship.
This is a difficult place you're in but you must be strong and if you are committed to having a better relationship, you have to take a positive step towards it. It all starts with you and what it is you want and what you're no longer willing to settle for any more.
