While you may not have this specific issue with your partner or with people who are close to you--what we have found is that no matter who you are-- the differences in how you and others relate to each other can create some interesting dynamics and potentially cause big problems in your relationship with them.

In this article, we're not going to discuss his concerns about his partner "flirting with everyone wearing long pants." We'll leave that for another day.

We DID want to discuss what different people consider to be a normal, natural and acceptable way of greeting and interacting with people in our culture.

Here's what we've observed...

There are at least four ways of showing affection/greeting in social situations:

1. Mouth/cheek kissers--Many in Susie's family kiss each other hello and good-by on the mouth or cheek, mainly because Susie's mom was a mouth kisser and seemed to set the tone for the family. Susie usually greets close friends, male and female, with a kiss.

2. Huggers--Otto's family are huggers, often one-armed huggers. Otto tends to greet many men and women with really good, solid two-armed hugs.

3. Pretend kissers or "Air" kissers with a slight hug--We've seen this in action but don't do it ourselves. With this one, we don't really "get it' but after all we wouldn't because we're huggers and kissers.

4. Hand shake or no touching--This is a pretty normal way for people to greet someone they've just met but in some families, this is the acceptable way to greet anyone.

And we could go on and on with examples--and we're sure you could too.

The point is that whether you've thought about it or not, we all have our "rules" or acceptable and unacceptable ways of greeting and interacting with others.

So what happens when there's a "rules" violation within a relationship?

What if the two people have two different meanings and associations to each others' greetings and goodbyes? What happens when there's a conflict and how do you resolve this kind of difference?

This question could play itself out in millions of ways in each of our lives and relationships.

Let's take for instance the example from our web site visitor who questioned his partner's kissing and flirting...

This is especially important during the holidays or during special occasions because a kiss on the mouth can mean many things depending on the intention of the kisser and of course the receiver of the kiss.

To one person, a kiss on the mouth of any kind indicates desire, love or is an expression of an intimate feeling.

For other people, kissing the people in their lives on the mouth and lips indicates a friendly connection and nothing more or less.

If there's a conflict, here's what we suggest...

1. Take a few moments and get in touch with the fear that is underneath the conflict--because some fear of some kind is always at the bottom of most conflicts and especially this type of conflict. You might even stand
back, look at your feelings and realize where your fear comes from and why it's there.

2. Talk about your differences without any accusations. Sounds easy but often not easy if you've built up resentments and beliefs about what certain actions mean. Talk about what you learned when you got in touch with your fear and even where you think it originated and that may by-pass some of those communication blocks.

3. Listen to understand where the other person is coming from and why they do what they do. If you listen from an open heart without judging, you might learn some things about your partner that you didn't know.

4. Discover what you each want more of in your relationship instead of dwelling on what you want less of. Do you want more attention from your partner? If so, suggest some specific ways this could happen instead of a general complaint that you want more attention.

5. Create some agreements that you both are comfortable with and can live with. It might be that the other person's behavior that you find objectionable may be no big deal to them--or it may be a big deal. It might be that both of you can agree to become more aware of youractions and beliefs behind those actions--and also the beliefs and actions of the other person.

We, of course, know that lines can be crossed that are unhealthy for relationships, depending on both people's rules for the relationship. And if they are, you have a choice whether to step up and stick to what you believe or ignore the unhealthy actions which can eventually kill any relationship.

Whether there's a conflict about this type of situation or not in your relationships, we invite you to explore the "rules" that you've set up for your life and the "rules" of the other people in your life.

Since we all bring our individual experiences and ways of looking out at the world to our relationships, our "rules" for interacting with people other than our intimate partner can certainly cause havoc in our relationships but they don't have too.

We encourage you to take a look at what's appropriate, normal, acceptable or customary in your interactions with the people in your life and take a look at why you feel that way in advance of situations that can cause problems and hurt feelings.

When you look at these kinds of things in advance, we think you'll enjoy more love and connection as well as a more rewarding life.