Dating Advice for Choosing the Partner for You
There seem to be so many mysteries when it comes to dating and one of the big ones is this question...
"Is this the right person for me to spend my life with?"
One of our blog readers wrote this observation and advice and we thought it was a great place to begin talking about this topic...
"I met and married my wife when she was still very young. She was impetuous and somewhat of a spoiled little princess but I had figured she would mature out of it. When she was not throwing a hissy she was a delightful person. Well its 9 years later and the hissies show little sign of abating... well they have mellowed a fractionally but not like I imagined. In retrospect and the advice I will give to my own children is know yourself before you find a mate to spend eternity with. In knowing yourself, you achieve a sense of balance in your own energy and can find a mate not out of need but out of the joy of being with them."
It's common knowledge that most of us are attracted to people who are seemingly our opposites and bring out something in us that we feel is lacking or fills a need in our lives that we have.
While this is a completely "normal" way of choosing a partner, if you're not careful, you can fall into any number of pot holes along the way.
A couple of these "pot holes" might look something like this...
1.Subscribing to this belief--"Men marry women hoping they won't change and women marry men hoping they will."
Now we believe that either men or women could have either belief as they enter a marriage which is proven by the story sent in by our blog reader. Whichever gender is believing what--there's always tension and disconnection created because of expectations that never quite hold true.
If you are in a relationship thinking that the other person's behavior will "get better" when you get married or when a number of years pass, you will probably be in for a rude awakening as the man in our example seemed to experience. People do not change unless they want to change--and it's often these faulty expectations that we have of each other that cause us to question why we are in the relationship and can hasten the end of a relationship.
2. Not accepting, embracing and even learning from each other's differences.
Since we tend to choose partners who are our opposites in many ways, why not learn from our differences. People want to know how the two of us who are very different in so many ways can be in business together, share the same office and essentially be together 24/7 and still be close, connected and loving with each other. We have learned and are still learning how to accept each other's differences, not make the other person wrong for being different from us, and even learn from those differences.
We suggest that you start appreciating differences when you are dating but also not close your eyes to differences that are unacceptable to you and the life that you want to lead. We know that it can be difficult to observe differences and to discern whether these are things that are "deal breakers" or things that you need to learn to appreciate and maybe even embrace in yourself.
We suggest that you have fun and enjoy the partners that you choose while constantly keeping in mind what it is that you want in a partner and in a relationship. What you want can include being with someone who is very different from you but also someone who has similar core values and beliefs.
There are no guarantees in life and certainly not in relationships. But what we can say is that if you choose a partner who enjoys growing and you honor each other's growth and changes while keeping your connection, you'll have a great time and a lot of joy with each other.
