Dealing With The Big and Little Things That Annoy You
Since we're all about helping you experience the gifts of connection more of the time in your relationships and lives, here's an interesting question for you...
What is it that irritates or annoys you?
If you're like most people, there's probably been some time or another you've found yourself irritated by the small things that others say or do.
These could be mannerisms or annoying habits of loved ones or co-workers that seem to drive you crazy. For most of us there always seems to be something that doesn't seem to be such a big deal to others but is a big deal to us.
For Susie, loud gum "cracking" and "loud" eating have always been irritating to her. To you, these may be really small things and may not bother you but we're sure that you probably have things that seem to get "under your skin" as well.
When it happens, that annoying or upsetting behavior seems to be all we can focus on. In short, we become "nit-picky."
At times, our focus seems to get so intense that we seem to expect that other person will always act that way and sure enough--they usually do!
If you find that you are irritated or are being "nit-picky" with someone in your life, one of several things may be going on.
It may be that you are actually looking at a mirror of your own personal challenges or issues.
It may be that by focusing your attention outwardly, you're choosing not to look at your own challenges.
It may also be that expectations, assumptions and controlling behaviors have gotten the best of you and you are trying to live someone else's life instead of your own.
Susie noticed that when she's irritated by loud gum chewing or eating, it's usually a time when she's not feeling centered and maybe a bit overwhelmed. By being "nit-picky," she's choosing to look at an outer distraction instead of what's going on inside her. There is probably a little "controlling" behavior going on there too!
What Susie has learned to do when this happens is to look at what's going on inside her and pull her attention away from the so-called "bad" behavior of the other person. When she is successful in pulling her attention away from others and focusing on herself and what's going on inside her, the whole situation seems to lessen in intensity for her.
Along with focusing on the emotions that she may be trying to cover up, she also begins to focus on the qualities in the other person that she appreciates.
When she's able to do this, she not only discovers what is at the bottom of her irritation, but she also finds that the dynamics between her and the other person change for the better.
It really is true that what you focus on persists--so it you focus on what irritates you about the other person then you will just get more of it.
So, is there an irritation in your life or a situation that you'd like to change?
Just try for one day to change your attitude about that person or situation and see what happens. When your
mind begins to mull over minor irritations or actions that you don't like about another person, change your attention to yourself and what you are feeling.
Take a moment to stop what you are doing and breathe. Pull your attention inside you and just feel what emotion may be lurking there that you may not be aware of.
It might be that there's some anger about something else that really might need to be addressed or maybe your feelings are pointing to an attitude that you've been carrying around that you no longer need.
Whatever you discover about yourself, breathe into that feeling, acknowledge it and allow it to "soften". It will if
you will allow it and then you'll be able to see clearly what needs to be done, if anything.
Next, in your mind's eye, see qualities that you love or like about the other person. Hold that image in your mind.
We think if you try this two-step process, your "irritations" will decrease in your life and you'll begin to enjoy yourself so much more.
