Looking at Your Marriage with New Eyes
What do people want for their relationships and lives today?
One thing we've noticed as we listen to relationship questions and work with people in our coaching practice is that they are wanting more out of their relationships and their lives.
You've probably looked around and noticed that some relationships seem to be dissolving because people are no longer willing to stay in relationships or marriages that aren't happy and satisfying. They want more.
You might have also noticed that other people stay in relationships that seem to have died a long time ago and even though they seem to be staying in these unfulfilling relationships, they still want more.
In the back of their minds, whether they leave their relationships or stay in them, they wonder if it's even possible to have a lasting relationship that's passionate and alive.
We not only know that it's possible--we've seen evidence of it and have lived it ourselves.
One of the things that we've learned about how to keep passion and our relationship alive is to constantly look at your relationship and your beloved with "new eyes."
Now, what does that mean--to look at your relationship and / or your beloved with "new eyes"?
Here's an example to illustrate our point...
Last weekend we went to a new movie theater in Columbus, Ohio which is about an hour's drive from the city where we live.
This movie theater that we went to was in the "South Campus Area" just south of Ohio State University's campus. Even though both of us have driven past this area where this new theater is now located many times, we were shocked with what we found when we got there.
What had happened since we had last been to this part of Columbus was that this entire area had been completely transformed. What was once run-down student housing and abandoned buildings has been completely transformed with new shops, theaters, restaurants, coffee shops and more. We were amazed.
So what's the point?
The point is that in order for all this transformation to have taken place, someone had to have looked at this area with new eyes and envisioned a convenient, pleasant, exciting atmosphere for people to gather -- much different from what had been there before.
This is how we need to be in our significant relationships if they are to be alive and thriving for many years.
So how do we translate this "new eyes" idea to our everyday lives even if we may have been together with our mate for many years?
One of Susie's long-time friends told her that she and her husband of 25 years had taken the first vacation together by themselves for many years. They visited New England and toured ivy league colleges and had a great time.
She said that she and her husband learned that they really liked one another and enjoyed traveling together. They had forgotten what it felt like to just have fun together until they went on this trip.
It was pretty evident that they were looking at each other with "new eyes." They had found something that they really loved to do together and they had rediscovered that they really enjoyed each other.
Whether you've been in a relationship for many years or have just begun, we suggest that you can look at each other with "new eyes" and open your heart and mind to finding ways to do it.
If you are single and are wanting your next relationship to be different and to last, start right now to look at the people in your life with "new eyes." Begin looking at and thinking about your new or potential new partner with new eyes instead of comparing him or her to your previous partner.
What can you learn about each other? What can you re-discover about each other?
Looking at the people in your life with "new eyes" is just one of the many ways to create passionate, connected, alive relationships.
Let us know if you have a "new eyes" story. We'd love to hear it!
