Marriage Advice for Minding Your Own Business
Are you minding your own business instead of someone else's?
We're all the time trying to change people andmake others the way we want them to be. When we do this , it's pure arrogance to believe that we know what's best for anyone else.
We've all said things like this about someone else in our lives--"Why can't he pick up his socks?" or "Why doesn't she take better care of herself?"
When we ask those questions, even in our minds, we are in someone else's business and this is where a lot of our "stress" comes from.
One of our favorite books is "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. She talks about 3 kinds of business in the Universe: Mine, yours and God's.
She says, "If I'm in your business, I'm wanting you to be different from what you are. If I'm worried about earthquakes, floods, or storms and complaining about the weather, I'm in God's business and concerned about things that are beyond my control."
Byron Katie asks a very good question--"If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine?" If you are focusing on someone else, you are not being present with your own self.
After Susie's previous husband of 30 years left their marriage, she found herself focusing on him and what he was doing with his life. She worried about him and constantly talked about him with her family and friends. When she finally shifted her focus to her life instead of her previous husband's, she started to live the life that she wanted.
If you find that you are "living" someone else's life by worrying about them or wishing they would act in a different way, stop yourself and shift your attention to your life. This is not selfishness! This is loving them where they are and loving you.
We know what the next question might be--How can you help others if you are focused on your life instead of the lives of other people? We're not suggesting that you go through life oblivious to other people, especially people who are in need. But what we have found is that if you are focused on your life and your personal growth, you actually come to the service of others from a more whole and complete place--the place of love.
This is what we've found that soulmates and couples who have long-standing wondrous relationships do--
They spend their time loving unconditionally instead of trying to change the other person.
Worry is not healthy, despite what our mothers or our culture might have taught us. Worry is also not love.
So this week, we encourage you to become more aware of when you are focusing on how you think the other people in your life should act, believe and think. When you find yourself judging others or worrying about them, try to remember to bring yourself back to the present moment and to focus on your life instead of someone else's.
