First of all, most of us haven’t been taught how to keep a great relationship close, growing and alive over a number of years. We have usually seen examples of two people living together for many years, possibly as friends (or not even as friends), but the passion and closeness has gone out of their relationship. They may live very easily together—or they may not—but they don’t seem to have anything in common any more. The romance and passion that was once there seems to have evaporated over the years.

Yes, this is something that many people experience and yes, closeness can be restored.

We’re often asked, “Okay, if closeness can be restored, where do we start?”

You start by not dancing around or ignoring the issue any longer.

Approach the subject with a strong desire and with the intention to begin learning how to connect again and not from a place of blame, lack or being a victim.

What do you want your relationship to look like? Is your partner happy with the way it is or does your partner want some changes?

Here’s the trick…

When you have this conversation, you need to not only be brave enough to say what you’d like your relationship to look and feel like but even more importantly, you have to be able to listen and not get defensive about what your partner has to say.

Several years ago, we had a talk about what would bring us even closer. Along with our commitment to each other to spend the first hour after we wake up each day, connecting with each other, making love, and appreciating one another, Otto was willing to say what he wanted.

He told Susie that he would like her to wear something more feminine than sweat pants to work in the home office that we share. After dressing up every day for 30 years before retiring from her university job, Susie enjoyed being comfortable and wearing sweat pants to her “new” job.

When Otto mentioned his request, she didn’t get defensive but searched within herself whether this was a request that she was willing and wanted to do. She actually discovered that flowing skirts were comfortable, inexpensive and she liked wearing them. She felt more feminine in them and the “spark” between us kept going even when we were at work.

We tell you this story to illustrate how, in simple ways, you can begin to become closer and even more passionate if you are willing to talk and listen to each other—and be open to making some changes in your life.

You may need to schedule some time together every day and begin to look at your life and your priorities so that you have time to spend together.

We urge you to start now to discover new ways to be together and recapture what once may have been between you. In many cases, it’s not too late but you never know until you explore the possibilities together.

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