Jen and Vince Miss the Mark in Break-Up Movie
As Relationship coaches and authors of "How to Heal Your Broken Heart," we wanted to check out the new film "Break-Up" as soon as we could. As we were walking out of the movie, we and others around us wondered why we paid the money to watch two celebrities we liked argue and fight--and argue and fight. Apparently, we weren't alone in our assessment of this film.
Although we know that the purpose of this film was to be a comedy (and it was funny in places), there is so much more that could have happened to actually help people who are experiencing or have experienced a break up in their own lives.
Here are some of our ideas of how you can deal with a break up without so much pain...
1. Stop the games and tell the truth!
In the film, Jen's character tried every trick she knew to get Vince's character back without trying the most direct and most important way--telling her truth. If you are going through a break up right now, stop your game-playing and take some time to discover what is truly in your heart. Then share it honestly with your partner--or perhaps soon-to-be ex.
In relationships, people often say and do what they think the other person wants to hear and see rather than what is truly in their hearts. For a healthy relationship (or even a healthy break up), cut the game-playing--don't listen to bad advice from friends who encourage it--and level about how you are feeling.
2. Admit your part in what went wrong
In the film, the only thing Jen's character admitted that she could have done better in the relationship was to allow Vince's character to get a pool table. In our experience, it always takes two to create a good relationship and two to break one up. Even though it doesn't look like you have done anything to cause the break up, look at what you might have done better in the relationship. Even if it's too late for this relationship to be repaired, if you look at what you could have done better in this relationship, you can work on not repeating the same thing in your next relationship. It will only help you create what you want if you take some time to discover what went wrong on your part.
3. Forget trying to change the other person to make them something they aren't
I know it seems that we're picking on Jen's character, but we're just pointing out what we've learned. Now don't get us wrong--people do change. But they rarely change their entire character when they do--and Jen's character seemed to want a "different" Vince than who he truly was.
Vince's character loved sports, video games and drinking beer. Jen's character on the other hand loved opera, a clean house, and elegant entertaining. While these types of differences are certainly what people find themselves dealing with, if the two of them are to make a go of their relationship, both people have to quit expecting the other to be like them. Jen's character wanted Vince's character to take her to the opera and while he definitely could have given it a try, that wasn't him. Jen on the other hand went to sporting events with him and felt like she was getting short-changed.
Here's the rub--she was getting short-changed but her expectations and unwillingness to sit down and talk about what was going on without blaming him helped to "deep six" the relationship.
Our advice is to talk about your differences and talk about what you are both willing to do to meet in the middle. Some things may be negotiable and some not. Be patient if you truly love the other person and love them for who they are. We all can change for the better and thinking that the other person's ways are wrong closes the door to creating a healthy relationship.
We do not recommend seeing this movie but we do recommend doing what you can do right now to create great relationships.
