The first woman wrote:

"WEll, I must say I've been reading everything that you have sent me & even sent it on to my "other half". All I can say is it has helped me but with him he's just basically deleted anything I've sent him & ignored everything to the hilt.
I've finally decide to leave him because I can't take being ignored, talked to nasty, teased without any care for my feelings & just everything! His big deal is we were pregnant & he wanted me to get rid of it because he never wanted kids & made it quite clear on that fact. Then he changed his mind & accepted this miracle( he was never supposed to be able to have kids & never have with anyone else)but then he waited till I started having problems with my health that he changed his mind & FLIPPED out! He promised me that if this went like the doctor said it should that he would never blame me or himself for this & we'd work at staying together. Well, that didn't work! He has blamed me & himself for 2 years now, talked about not being worthy of living because he killed his son, who could have killed me.He's locked me out of our live together & turned to porn & to just plain ignoring me all together. All that matters to him is money now,but he hates his job & stresses out constantly to the point of a mini heart attack every day. He keeps hoping that he'll just die so he doesn't have to go on. Can you see the stress on me?!!I can't talk to him at all because his idea of fixing things is for him to walk out on me & leave me with everything or to kick me out with nothing.

I love him very much & do understand alot of his issues but he takes it to extremes so much that I can't handle it. He has given my side of the bed over to the dog,if i touch him i get bit & he laughs & thinks it's funny. he actually treats the dog better than he does me & thinks nothing of it. ie. he comes home dog greets him, it's all lovey- dovey but then he sees me & he gets nasty."

The other woman wrote...

"MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 3 YEARS. WE HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD. I FIST LEARN OF HIS CHEATING WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. THEN ANOTHER AFFAIR WITHIN OUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE. OF COURSE, EACH TIME, HE WAS CAUGHT RED HANDED BUT HAS NEVER ADMITTED ANYTHING. ITS HAPPENING AGAIN. I FOUND 3 CONDOMS IN THE TRUNK OF HIS CAR. OVER A PERIOD OF A MONTH OR SO, EACH ONE DISAPPEARED. THEN THERES THE CELL PHONE THING. I HAVE SOOO MUCH RESENTMENT TOWARDS HIM. I HAVE NOT SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE CONDOMS. I MAKE SLY REMARKS BUT NEVER TOLD HIM WHAT I FOUND. STUPID ME, I FEEL GUILTY FOR SNOOPING!!! HE TELLS ME OVER AND OVER THAT HE IS NOT CHEATING BUT I KNOW BETTER. I AM MISERABLE. I NEED HELP. WE JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF I WANT TO LEAVE. HELP!!!"

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Our advice to both woman is to take some time and decide for yourself what love is to you and how you want and deserve to be treated by someone who loves you and someone who you choose to spend your life with. Make a list and then look at it. Decide if you are willing to keep living like you are living right now and if you want more.

For the first woman--You say you love him but we're not seeing any evidence that he is loving you. If the dog is treated better than you are, you have to ask yourself if you want to stay in a situation where this is true. How much are you willing to love yourself and change your circumstances so you can be loved by someone in the way that you want to be loved? You may understand this man's issues and love him as another human being but that in no way means that you have to be treated badly by this man. You can not fix him. He has to decide that he wants something better for his life and there's nothing you can do at this point except to take a stand for yourself. How much longer do you want to keep punishing yourself for what happened in the past by staying with this man?

For the second woman--If you know better that he is cheating, you have evidence that he is currently cheating and he was caught red-handed in past affairs--and he's not admitting anything--why are you continuing to stay with him? You mention the new house--You have to decide if staying in this new house--with you holding all of the resentment and anguish that you seem to have against him--is worth it. It looks like you have agreed that he can have his affairs and you can stay in the house. Even if you have not consciously agreed to this, you have agreed by your silence and your continuing to stay in this relationship and this house. You have to decide whether this is the agreement that you want to keep doing--because he seems happy with it. Whatever you decide, just be conscious about it.

These are two situations that require both women to look at their unconscious agreements and if they want to keep doing what they've been doing. If you see yourself in either of these stories, we suggest that you take some time and really look at your situation with new eyes and decide if you want to stay in it or not.

We have a course called "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" if you need some help with your decision.