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Passion in Relationships--A Few Questions about it

Keeping passion and spark in a long-term relationship is a challenge for most couples. Recently we received a series of questions about passion and spark and it's such an important topic that we thought we'd respond on this blog.

Here are the questions and a few of our comments...

1. Doesn't passion grow over time?
It can, yes--and it can also be a feeling that happens immediately. There are no rules about passion that pertain to every person. We've discovered that for most people in order for passion to grow over time, they have to have that as their intention. They have to make time and the space for passion to grow. If they don't, their passion can die and although they may still be very good friends, they are no longer attracted to one another as "love" partners.

2. Doesn't passion come in ebbs and flows?
Yes, it does in most relationships. What we've found to be true in our relationship is that when it "ebbs," we realize that somehow we've become disconnected from each other and it's a sign for us to reconnect. Although it's perfectly normal, to us, it's also a sign for us to recommit to each other and our relationship.

3. Can you have passion, long-lasting passion or spark without making yourself vulnerable?
No--we know of no way to have long-lasting passion or spark without allowing yourself to be vulnerable. What does being vulnerable mean? To us, it means opening to your truth and allowing the other person to see and hear who you truly are. It means letting down your defenses and your pretenses and just being who you truly are. True long-lasting passion comes from within as the two of you connect on a soul level. If one or both people are not willing to be who they truly are, then the spark between them has very little chance of authentic life.

4. Isn't a relationship that is literally immediately initiated on passion without honesty, trust and mututal respect bound for doom!?
Yes it is unless both people have the desire to change and create a connection at their core. It is possible for two people who have not been honest and respectful toward one another to change their relationship and base it on trust, honesty and respect--even after many years. But it does take the willingness, openness and desire of both people to do it.

If you have other questions or comments about passion and spark in long-term relationships, you are welcome to add your comments.

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Susie & Otto Collins


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