The Blended Family: How to Survive It
When two families come together, there can certainly be wonderful things that come from the union but there can also be some aspects that are very uncomfortable for everyone involved. I found a few blogs about it and the topic is certainly a big one, especially if you're in one!
While the blended family can certainly be troublesome for the kids that are involved, it certainly has challenges for the new couple.
Often, there may be a feeling that there's a conspiracy against the new couple because it may seem like there's
never enough time, privacy, or energy to really be together and to have the fun and connection they once had together.
While our blended family has not always been perfect, we have learned some things that we'd like to share that have made our lives easier and happier.
We think this is a great topic, not just because so many of us are trying to blend step-families together --but,
because the same dynamics that are at work in blended families are present in nearly all relationships much of the time. This would include work and social situations, as well as families that are not blended.
In most cases, there seems to be a jockeying for position when two families come together because there's an unconscious belief by one or more of the family members that there isn't enough love to go around in this new arrangement.
This "jockeying" for position that happens when two families are trying to blend into one is very close to the dynamic that is present when there is jealousy in a relationship. When someone is jealous, it comes from fear that their needs won't be met.
We don't have a magic bullet for these conflicts. But we do have are a few suggestions that have worked for us and here they are...
--Plan special dates alone with your children so that they know there is enough love to go around
--Plan regular alone time with your spouse--to talk, to hold hands, to make love, to be together
--Remember your spouse is your friend and listen without judging, without butting in with advice unless asked.
--Get rid of blame and the need to be right. Work together towards positive solutions with open hearts and minds.
--Honor each other's differences. Parenting styles are so different and it takes a lot of courage to learn from each other and not be so rigid, thinking there's only one way to parent--your way.
--Clearly define roles, rules and expectations--Everyone in the family should be included in a discussion and buy into them. Make your steps clear.
--Be persistent, patient and don't take it personally!
If you are in a blended family, we urge you to make a commitment with your partner to take steps to improve the communication between the two of you. We've found that our family situation has improved as we have learned to communicate better with each other.
Everyday the two of us recommit our love for each other and our belief that we are together to learn from each other--and that includes our children. We wish the same for you and your family.
