U2 at the Grammys: A Relationship Lesson
Last night as I watched Bono of U2 accept a Grammy award for their album "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb," I was appreciating the relationship lesson that he talked about from his own life. Because my husband and I are relationship coaches, we tend to look at most things in life as "relationship lessons" but I thought this was truly important enough to pass on.
We thought that "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" was a political statement but apparently we were wrong. Bono told the audience that the atomic bomb was his father who he's been screaming about for years and with this award he was giving it up. In other words, he was giving up blaming, judging and complaining about his father and would come to peace with whatever was between them.
If only all of us would have the same courage to do this in our own lives, we would not only be at peace about the past but our current relationships would be so much clearer and better.
It's just a fact--we carry old hurts and challenges from past relationships into new ones, without ever meaning to. What we've discovered in our own lives and from working with people in our coaching practice is that in order to have close, connected, and alive relationships, you have to begin making peace with the past. This usually means forgiving yourself and the other person and letting them go.
Here are some suggestions that you might try if you have been carrying around hurt, blame, and anger about what someone did or didn't do in your past:
1. Know that the hurt, blame and anger that you have been carrying around is only hurting you. Even though what the other person did or didn't do may have been unexcusable, know that holding onto this pain is only hurting you further.
2. Make sure that you acknowledge your pain but also see it passing through you. Whether you use a breath technique (simply breathing deeply in your abdomen can help) or some other method, see yourself free of this pain.
3. Make an attempt to understand the other person. Often times, when you understand where someone else has been, you can realize why things happened the way they did. It doesn't excuse what happened. It just helps us to come from a softer place toward the person.
4. In forgiving this person, you are not condoning what happened. You are instead allowing new life to come into your mind and body to replace the hurt. Remember, life can be very short so make the most of it while you are here.
These are just a few ideas to help you if you've been holding onto old hurts and pain.
Susie Collins, Relationship Coach
