Relationship Advice for Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship
It was pretty interesting as we look back on this situation that happened a few weeks ago.
A friend who we don't get to see very often got to see the two of us in a "not so perfect moment." This was a moment when lots of things were going on around us and we both had some opinions and said some things to each other that needed some healing later on.
The short version of the story is that we disagreed with each other and were disconnected in that moment that our friend was there and it showed.
We all disagree and disconnect in various ways from one another from time to time. It's normal. We feel slighted, not loved, unappreciated or any number of things and these feelings create separations from those we love.
Whether it's your intimate partner, a family member, a friend or a co-worker--it happens to all of us.
We've discovered that it's what happens after you disagree, disconnect and get into your "relationship dance" or your patterns that makes the difference whether there will be "spark" or life in your relationship or not in the future.
This has certainly held true both in our own relationship and life and in the lives and relationships of the coaching clients that we work with in person and by telephone.
Since we're creating a series of teleseminars on how to keep the spark in your relationship and how to get it back if it has faded, it started us thinking that one of the important ways to do that is to pay attention to what happens after you disagree and disconnect.
We're offering a teleseminar series on Keeping the Spark Alive in your Relationship or Marriage and How to Get the Spark Back if it seems to have faded starting on February 2.
Recently, one of our coaching clients became disconnected from a friend he worked with. Our client's friend became very angry with him for something that our client had done. In turn, our client became angry because he just couldn't figure out what he had done that was so bad.
Pretty common scenario--Right?
No matter what type of relationship it is, it's what happens after the disagreement or disconnection that will determine whether the relationship grows or dies.
Here are some tips on what to do and how to come back together after a disagreement that we used after our
disconnection and we offer them to you to try so that your relationships keep growing in healthy ways:
1. What the disagreement or disconnection happens, stop yourself from responding in old, harmful ways that have done nothing but keep the two of you apart. Instead, take a few deep breaths. If you do respond in old harmful ways, take a moment to recognize that you have done so.
2. Let go of clinging to the idea of being right. Everyone sees things differently and looks out at life through different lenses. Chances are, the person you had the disagreement with thinks he/she is just as "right" as you are. So don't cling to your "rightness" and possibly lose the relationship.
3. After you have yourself under control, listen to the person with an open heart and open mind. Hard to do sometimes but absolutely necessary if you are going to keep your relationship healthy.
4. Take responsibility for your part in this disagreement--even if it's just to tell the other person that you can understand how they may feel the way they do. Tell how you were feeling and any circumstances that the other person might not know about that may have precipitated the disagreement.
5. Be open to exploring how you both can repair your relationship and make it better. If you come to this discussion with a strong desire to come back together and a sense of possibility, some ideas will emerge that will help your reconnection.
These are just a few ideas around this topic and if you want to learn much more, check out our teleseminar series.
Comments
I am in the "disagreement or disconnection" situation though its the opposite way... I know we love each other but the "spark" disappeared in a blink of an eye... I feel the same way when this guy at work lost connection with his partner... Please, help me! What can I do?
Posted by: pablo | January 2, 2011 04:55 AM