Jealousy and Trust: Can you Learn to Trust Again?
If jealousy has been an issue for you, one of the biggest challenges is trust. If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, we don't have to tell you how painful it is.
Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor unhealed resentments.
In short, if for whatever reason you can't trust no matter how hard you try, you'll keep your partner at a distance and not let them get too close to you.
Sometimes people who have trust issues tell us things like… "I don't know why I feel this way because my husband doesn't do anything to deserve my mistrust," "I've been burned in past relationships and it's hard for me to trust anyone now," "Everyone cheats. How can I trust that anyone will be true to me?" and finally "I don't know how to deal with her lies anymore."
What we've discovered is that no one is born with trust issues. They are created from real or imagined fears about what may or may not be happening in their relationships.
If there are trust issues, one or both of the following explanations are usually underneath them:
1. The person is in a relationship with someone who has violated trust in some way and maybe even continues to violate it.
2.The person has had trust violated in past relationships and has created real fears in the present moment about events and circumstances that may or may not be happening in their current relationship.
The paradox of trust issues is that in order to heal trust, you have to be willing to open your heart and take conscious, intelligent risk. Most people who struggle with this issue have felt pain that is so great that they have shut themselves off from opening their hearts again. It's very difficult for them to move past this point.
Here are a few suggestions from our course "Creating Relationship Trust" that may help you begin to trust again:
1. Pay attention to the fears you are feeling, honor those feelings while discovering whether there is any truth to your fears.
2. We all tell stories to ourselves about everything in our lives. If you are telling yourself untrue stories about what is or may be happening, then stop yourself. Begin to trust in yourself that you can change the stories you tell yourself about your life or your relationships.
3. Ask yourself this question-"Is my reaction really about what's happening right now?" If your answer is yes, then have the courage to deal honestly with your situation. If your answer is no, then have the courage to stop yourself from creating separation and distance by saying and doing things that will harm your relationship.
4. Keep in mind that learning to trust others starts with you. If there are blatantly untrustworthy people in your life right now, then you are being asked to look at yourself and discover how you can heal from your past. If you make up stories about people who are really trustable, you are still called to begin a healing process.
If you are interested in learning more about how to build trust or how to rebuild it if it's been broken, visit http://www.creatingrelationshiptrust.com
For more articles about jealousy, visit http://www.RelationshipGold.com/Jealousy/index.htm