Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Last week, we took a much needed day off and the two of us--along with Otto's son --took a "road trip" to Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to see the Bruce Springsteen exhibit.

With all the music being played and exhibits that had music in them, we certainly came home with our share of "ear worms" ...

If you're not familiar with what an ear worm is...

It's a song that gets in your head and plays over and over--and over.

You usually can't get rid of it until you exorcise it by listening to another song or in some cases actually listening to a recording of the song that's been driving you crazy--or you get focuses on something else.

For us, Bruce Springsteen songs often become ear worms.

While there's nothing wrong with them, it can get annoying to have the same song playing over and over in your mind until you do something about it to change your focus.

An ear worm doesn't have to be a song.

It can be something that someone says to you--usually it's something critical that you've taken in and repeated over and over to yourself until you believe it.

For example, someone might make an off-handed remark about your hair and it stays with you all that day and can even run your life for years!

You might be wondering right now what a "jealousy ear worm" is...

Continue reading "Stop Jealousy by Getting Rid of Your "Jealousy Ear Worm"" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You'd have to be on another planet right now if you haven't heard that reality stars Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting a divorce after what's perhaps the most public break-up imaginable.

If you watched their reality show, you got to see a real-life drama of infidelity and break-up happen right before your very eyes.

With years of allowing their family life to be on display for all of us to see, could they have stopped this divorce train from happening.

We think so but here's what they could have done...

Continue reading "Jon & Kate: Could they have saved their relationship?" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When you're in the middle of intense feelings of jealousy, it can seem like it will be that way forever.

But it doesn't have to be that way...

You can do something to change your life and one of best ways to help yourself is to start learning new skills. If you're ready, check out our "No More Jealousy" course.

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

"Can I have some reassurance that it [jealousy] will go away from my life? I guess it's all about learning to love yourself and building your self esteem, isn't it? Will that help eliminate the problem?"

>>>OUR COMMENTS:

The first thing we'll say about jealousy is that NO ONE is born jealous.

This is good news because what this means is...

While we can't say with certainty that jealousy will stop in your particular situation, we can say that the odds are in your favor if you are willing to make your healing your focus and your practice.

You're exactly right that it start with learning to love yourself and building self-esteem.

Because here's the thing...

When you're jealous, you see someone or something else getting what you want--or you fear that it will happen
sometime in the future.

Even when there's no truth to your suspicions--and you know it--somewhere inside you, you are fearful that you won't get your needs met.

What does this have to do with self-esteem and not loving yourself?

Let's get this straight...

We all--whether we have jealousy issues or not--experience times in our lives when we don't love and don't feel very good about ourselves.

So self-esteem issues and not loving yourself are really part of being human--and some of us are better at loving ourselves than others.

Some of us have had better life experiences than others.

Some of us have had partners (and others) lie to us, cheat on us and have affairs and these kinds of things can certainly make trusting difficult.

Some of us have been exposed to beliefs that foster and strengthen self-esteem as opposed to those beliefs that tear it down.

And all of this can change in the present moment.

It's an absolute fact that no matter how hard you try--your past will never change.

Your past is just as over as the revolutionary war and...

Maybe, your past experiences won't change but what can change are your beliefs--your beliefs about yourself and what's possible.

Let's get practical now...

If you are afraid of being jealous forever, here are some ways to begin changing your beliefs so that you can see a glimmer of truth that you can stop being jealous.

Continue reading "Afraid of being jealous forever? What to do about it" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's not even summer yet and the temperatures are heating up where we live in Ohio and this is bad if you've got jealousy issues in your relationship.

We've noticed that very often it's not just the temperature that heats up this time of year.

It's jealousy and issues around trust that seem to heat up too.

If you're in a relationship where jealousy and trust are problems, this probably doesn't come as any shock to you.

You're probably feeling the effects of it already.

Here are a few reasons we've observed...

Continue reading "Summertime Jealousy and Trust Issues Heat Up" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What nasty game are we talking about?

It's a "game" that many couples play that ALWAYS creates major problems for them and their relationship and STILL yet--most couples continue to do it even after this "game" has sucked the life out of their relationship
or marriage.

So, what is this "game" and how can you make sure this doesn't cause problems for you in your relationship?

It's easy...

The name of the game is the "blame game" and it can absolutely destroy a relationship.

Here's how the "blame game" is played and how one couple stopped playing...

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Stopping this Nasty Game" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you're jealous or you're with a jealous partner, we don't have to tell you how painful it is when jealous explosions hit your relationship. If you're tired of jealousy ruling your life, check out our "No More Jealousy" program.

Right now, we're going to speak to the person who's with a jealous partner....

But if you're someone who's jealous, you'll also want to keep reading because we're pretty sure that you'll get
some valuable insights that may help you heal jealousy as well.

As we've worked with people who have jealousy issues in our Relationship Breakthrough coaching practice, we've seen quite a few "mistakes" that people with jealous partners make that actually make the situation worse and not better.

If you're the partner of someone who's jealous--we certainly don't want to start blaming you exclusively for this painful situation because ultimately...

...it IS the jealous person who has to be willing to get help and be committed to doing what it takes to make shifts and changes that will stop it.

We also recognize that if you're with someone who has deeply-rooted jealousy issues from the past carried over to your relationship, it may be that no amount of assurances on your part will be enough.

But no matter what your situation is--we think it's going to be incredibly valuable to you to look at a few "mistakes"
people with jealous partners make and a few suggestions to change them.

Continue reading "Jealousy: 3 Mistakes you could be making if you're with a jealous partner" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the biggest dating questions that can be pretty confusing to figure out is this...

Is it love or is it lust?

You might feel a terrific connection in the bedroom but wonder if it's really going to go any further than that.

You may even wonder how long this terrific attraction (or lust for each other) will last.

Here are a couple of checklists to know if it's love or is it lust...

1. Lust is satisfying an itch at a surface level and you don't necessarily feel a deep connection, friendship, or want to be with the other person and enjoy their company--outside of the bedroom.

Don't get us wrong--lust is fun and you can experience lust within love--but if there's nothing deeper going on, lust by itself can be pretty shallow.

Check to see if any of these apply to your relationship...

**You only get together every now and then and not necessarily on weekends.
**Your dates always involve making love and end up in the bedroom.
**You don't have a lot to talk about and you don't talk about your future together.
**There is a feeling that something is missing
**You don't feel important outside of the bedroom
**If you raise the topic of commitment, one of you runs.
**You do not share any interests outside of s*e*x

2. Love is in the eye of the beholder so it's important to find out what love means to you.

Make a list of what love means to you and be specific like this...

**You feel important to each other
**Being supportive like a true friend would
**Being honest when you made a mistake
**You want to just be together and doesn't always involve love-making (but can)
**You can talk to one another
**Calling when you're going to be late
**You feel a deep connection
**You are kind toward one another
**You like to touch one another

Check this list against what's happening in this relationship right now--and don't be blind and kid yourself.

Be honest!

Okay, so now that you have a better idea of what's going on, you can make a more conscious choice.

As we said, you can feel lust for each other and be in love--even after many years of being together!

We do.

But you have to have the solid foundation of a love that grows--and be in agreement about what love means.

We invite you to open to the idea that both are available to you and you can have what you want.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)