Love and Relationship Advice Blog

As much as Tiger Woods probably doesn't want to be in the news again about his failed marriage to his wife Elin, it was inevitable. Since their divorce became final recently, Elin told her story in People magazine.

Something she said in the article struck a common chord that we've heard from many people after their relationship breakups...

When asked about what she felt when she first learned of Tiger's betrayal, here's what she said...

"I felt stupid as more things were revealed--how could I not have known anything?...I felt embarrassed for having been so deceived."

Maybe you weren't cheated on but you just didn't see who this person was when you got together--or maybe he or she changed as time went along.

The other day, a young woman told us that after her breakup and after her ex did something very despicable to her in retaliation, she felt ashamed that she didn't see the kind of person he was and leave him earlier--or better yet, not get in a relationship with him at all.

If you've had similar feelings of shame after a breakup--that you didn't see it coming and now you feel like you can't trust yourself and your judgment--here are 3 ways to help you look at your situation differently...

Continue reading "Tiger's ex Elin has a Common Reaction to their Breakup" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If there's one common question we hear from people who have ended their relationships (or their partners ended them), it's this...

"Is there anything I could have done differently to save my relationship?"

We've discovered that it's not what you do at the last minute when your relationship's in big trouble that makes a difference...

It's what you both do along the way to keep creating the relationship that you want that keeps it alive and healthy.

With that in mind, we've noticed some disturbing trends in relationships that can and do lead to their end.

Here are 4 trends that must be stopped if you want to keep your relationship growing deeper and more connected...

Continue reading "4 Relationship Trends That Must Be Stopped..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After a breakup or divorce, there may be countless troubling thoughts that cross your mind. These may pertain to what you perceive happened and they may also involve your worries about your present situation and the future ahead.

"Will I always be alone?"
"Am I doomed to attract men (or women) who cheat?"
"How will I manage on my own?"
"Can I take care of my kids all by myself?"
"Will I be able to pay the bills with just my paycheck?"
"Will anyone ever want to date me given my age/position in life/looks,etc.?"

It's likely that many of these thoughts, as well as others that may be coming up for you, are upsetting or fearful ones. It is understandable that, with all of the uncertainty that may be happening for you, you are feeling anxious and apprehensive.

The fact of the matter is, as natural as it is to feel the way that you are feeling and to think the thoughts that you are thinking, fear, worry and anxiety are not going to help you heal.

As might already know, fear mostly keeps you stuck right where you are. Anxiety freezes you in place and makes it nearly impossible to move forward with your life. In addition to this, when you stay in a place of fear and worry for an extended period of time, you can literally become sick!

Continued and prolonged anxiety and fear-- and the stress that results-- can negatively affect your sleeping and eating habits as well as your overall immune, digestive and even cardiovascular systems.

What you probably want most of all is to feel better. You may desperately wish to be rid of your fears and worries and to finally feel more like yourself again.

Here are some tips to help...

Continue reading ""Will I always be alone?" and other fears that stand in your way of healing from a breakup or divorce" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The other day, a friend of ours asked us if people were still getting married because divorce rates are so high--(One source cites 50% for first marriages, 67% for second, and 74% for third ones).

Although we don't do research in that area, of the people who contact us, they are very much interested in a committed, intimate relationship if not marriage.

So are people getting scared away from making relationship commitments because of statistics and what they see happening to others around them?

We don't think so.

While we urge people to be open to making and keeping this kind of commitment, we also know that without the follow-through actions of doing what it takes to create the relationship you want--

A commitment alone is pretty hollow.

A lot can happen in a relationship, especially one that lasts many years, so we've identified 10 "worst case relationship scenarios" and some pointers on how to deal with them.

You (or someone you love) might be experiencing one or more of these right now and if so, we invite you to take conscious, positive steps toward what you want.

Here are the 10 scenarios (in no particular order)...

Continue reading "Top 10 Worst Case Relationship Scenarios..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Most of us remember that incredibly blissful feeling of being "in love" at least once in our lives.

You couldn't breathe, you couldn't concentrate and all you wanted to do was to be with your beloved, basking in that delicious magnetic pull toward each other. You couldn't get enough of one another. You felt like it was "right" and you were "home."

Now we know that it's not realistic (or even desirable) to go through life like this--feeling so ungrounded, scattered and unfocused all the time that you can't get much done.

What happens for most couples is...

For some mysterious reason in the process of "settling down", we lose all or most of this excitement and powerful
feelings of love and attraction we felt for one another.

We settle into comfort and routine and those intense feelings get so watered down that we have trouble finding them.

Most of the people who begin to question whether they want to be in the relationship they're in or not (and the ones who are living with the question of whether to stay or go tell us that what happened for them is what happened for many couples...

Somewhere along the line they lost the passion, spark and desire that they once had. It all sort of faded away and they ended up wondering "what just happened?"

We've discovered that it doesn't have to be this way...

While you probably don't want those exact feelings you had when you were first in love (we don't), but what you may want is a more seasoned hybrid of it. In other words, you may want a little more spark than what you have now without all the drama and intensity that's over the edge.

The good news is that you don't have to get divorced or go find a new partner to find it.

Here are 4 ways that we and other couples use to fall in love over and over again with each other...

Continue reading "4 Ways to Fall in Love Again (Without Getting a New Partner)" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 02:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you were to get 100 people together and ask them this question...

"Do you do things to try control or manipulate your husband, wife, partner or other loved ones?"

We think you'd find that almost every one of them would say "No, I don't do this."

But...regardless of what most people's first "reaction" to this question is...

The truth is almost everyone tries to control and manipulate the people they love most and most of
the time it's totally unconscious.

So, why do we do this?

Why do we have this need to control and manipulate?

How does this play out in our important relationships?

For starters...

It's just a part of being human--we all want our way and to feel loved and appreciated.

We all have different ways of doing it--sometimes being forceful and domineering and sometimes withdrawing and being aloof.

And much of this is unconscious behavior learned very early in our lives.

So if we're all trying to control one another, how can two people ever find peace, happiness and love together as a couple?

The answer's pretty simple but not always easy to do...

Continue reading "Control, Manipulation and Other Things That Really Screw Up Relationships..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We were certainly intrigued yesterday when we saw the article about the AskMen.com's Great Male Survey 2010 Edition.

There were a lot of interesting "aha's" from the results but what really got our attention was the comparison between this survey of men and Cosmo's Great Female Survey about romance.

Drum roll please...

Here's one finding that will blow your socks off...

According to the article, "Nearly 40% of women report that their boyfriends or husbands are “not very often” or “never” romantic, yet 75% of men claim that they are romantic consistently."

So if this is what women and men think, what's going on here?

Who's got it right and who's fooling themselves?

Here are a few of our thoughts about romance and the differences between the sexes...

Continue reading "What we learned from the Great Male Survey about Romance..." »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)