September 12, 2014

Fighting, Arguing, Yelling, Screaming (Here's When It's a Good Thing)

yelling150.jpg We know this is true for us--check it out and see if it's true for you as well.

We bet it is...

Here's what happens...

One or both of you get triggered about something that the other says or does...

You defend and argue your point...

Then you either withdraw and clam up or keep trying to prove you're right by getting louder and more insistent.

...and the really crazy thing that happens when you're in the middle of a fight or argument is that little voice in your head that's throwing its own king sized temper-tantrum.

In the middle of these kinds of fights and arguments, very often you find yourself thinking things about your spouse or partner like...

"You don't love me..."

"I hate you..."

"I'll show you. I'm going to have an affair..."

"I should have never married you in the first place..."

"My mother was right about you and it took me 27 years
to finally see it..."

You might even say out loud some of these things that you don't really mean (just to get your point across) and that you later regret.

Your "fight" doesn't get resolved but eventually the two of you may ease your anger enough to "get along"--until the next time.

Sounds frustrating and pretty dismal, doesn't it?

We found out that it doesn't have to be that way.

You can use these arguments and fights to find out what you really want (it's usually not what you think you're fighting about)...

And get a resolution to the real issue that's underneath the obvious cause of the disconnection.

Continue reading "Fighting, Arguing, Yelling, Screaming (Here's When It's a Good Thing)" »

August 25, 2014

When your partner clams up and pulls away...

coupledistantsm.jpg Imagine this...

You've just come home after a busy work day and you just want to relax but you can't...

Without looking at you or even a "hello," your partner immediately starts telling you what has to be done that evening.

And when you don't answer because you're a bit overwhelmed by all of it, your partner starts complaining that you never do anything around the house to help and wants to talk about what's wrong with your relationship.

You try to listen and respond but the "right" words just don't come and it ends up in a horrific fight and you don't know how it happened.

Not a lot of fun, is it?

Pretty much an automatic shut-down, isn't it?

We know this scenario isn't true for every couple but it is true for more than you can imagine...

...because opposites do attract and this very moment in time (or something very close to it) really is familiar for many
men and women.

We don't like to generalize but in our research, many women want their man to open up and are frustrated because he won't talk.

And many men are equally as frustrated because they feel pushed into talking and sharing--and have learned to automatically withdraw and shut down when she even looks like she wants to talk.

Now of course both women and men do this unconsciously and most are just automatically doing what they were shown and learned to do to get their needs met early in their lives.

But it really doesn't have to be that way.

In fact, it's just the opposite.

Continue reading "When your partner clams up and pulls away..." »

August 06, 2014

Everything can change in a second...

clock200.jpg Two Saturday’s ago, we had an “open house” at our new home and invited some friends in and it was a great time that several said we should repeat again soon.

And then…

Something tragic happened…

The next day, a dear friend of ours (he was at our party the night before) was hiking in a state park with his partner and stumbled and fell off a cliff to his death.

Because it happened so quickly, his partner could do nothing to save him.

We’re not telling you this story to share our sadness or our grief or because of how painful and tragic it was.

We’re sharing this story with you because there’s a BIG lesson about love here that we hope you get.

If you get this, you, your relationships and your ability to love and be loved will be changed forever.

We, like everyone else who loved this man, were shocked at the suddenness of his passing and were left with the reminder of just how precious life and those we love are to us.

Since then, we’ve been especially aware of how we treat each other as well as other people in our lives.

We’re just a little more mindful of those who need encouragement or a little extra love—and then opening to giving it.

We’re being a little kinder to each other, not knowing how much time we have to enjoy being with each other.

We’re being a little more loving with ourselves.

So here’s a question for you...

Continue reading "Everything can change in a second..." »

August 01, 2014

3 Wise Take-aways from Clint the Electrician

LovingCouple250.jpg If you've been reading our articles over the past few weeks, you know that we just sold our home and bought another one...

Since we moved, we've noticed some very strange electrical issues with lights going off, staying off for awhile and then magically coming back on--as well as some unexplained power surges.

This isn't the only thing that made it tempting to think our house was "haunted" and that some out-of-control spirits were having some good-natured fun at our expense.

But for this particular issue, we called our home warranty company and they sent Clint the electrician to look into our electrical problems.

As Otto has done with every service person doing work in our home--he stayed and chatted with Clint as he tested and repaired the electrical outlets.

(It's amazing what you can learn by doing that!)


When Clint asked Otto what he did for a living, Otto told him that the two of us were Relationship coaches, authors and speakers and about how we do one-on-one work with couples in person and by phone and skype to help them create the love and relationship they want.

Otto also told him about some of our book titles like "Magic Relationship Words" and "Stop Talking on Eggshells."

Busting the belief that all men are not interested in relationships and making them better...

Clint said, "My wife and I have a good relationship and I'm curious about your answer to a question...

"What do you think is most important to creating a great relationship?"

Continue reading "3 Wise Take-aways from Clint the Electrician" »

July 24, 2014

Communication "Quirk" All Men Have...(Drives Women Nuts Until They Learn This)

woman screaming.jpg The other day, Otto was at a local meeting and got into a very interesting conversation with a woman who told him
a very surprising story that you might relate to…

After this woman learned that Otto was a relationship coach, author and speaker, she opened up about her personal situation…

As this woman told her story to Otto, she said--

"I wish I had figured out this communication quirk men have 20 years earlier in my marriage!

"If I had, my conversations with my husband would have been smoother and I'd have gotten much more of what I wanted in life and with him and I'd have been a whole lot happier with him."

This is so awesome that she figured this out.

Here's her story and what she learned...

Continue reading "Communication "Quirk" All Men Have...(Drives Women Nuts Until They Learn This)" »

July 16, 2014

How to Live Through Life's Big Changes and Not Ruin Your Relationships...

detourmed.jpg Have you ever moved, got married (or gotten divorced), had children, coped with a serious illness or taken on a new job or career?

If you said yes to of these things, then you know that ANY major life event can change you and your relationships forever and most of the time it does.

Sometimes life events change you in small subtle ways and other times, you're changed in much bigger ways.

The latter is the case for us during the last two months as we moved our home (and lots of stuff) and offices to another part of our town.

Throughout this process, we learned or re-learned some big "Ah Ha's" and here are a few...

Continue reading "How to Live Through Life's Big Changes and Not Ruin Your Relationships..." »

June 17, 2014

What Dad Wanted That We All Want...

cartoonpeopleheart140.jpg Sunday was Otto's first Father's day without his dad because he passed away on Otto's birthday last year.

Also, there's been a lot going on in our world lately.

For the past few weeks, we've been in the process of selling our home and since our house sold in 5 days--as you can imagine, we're getting serious about where we're moving next when the moving truck gets here in a couple of weeks.

Because of all the upheaval, Otto wasn't sure how he would celebrate his dad, but he decided to make the two hour (each way) trip to see his mother yesterday.

To honor his dad, he and his mom chose to have dinner at his father's favorite place to eat (2nd to McDonald's of course) which is the Golden Corral.

If you're not familiar with it, the Golden Corral is one of those "all-you can eat" places and there's not much there that we'd put on the "healthy eating" list.

Regardless-Otto and his mother still went and even though it's a buffet, neither one ate very much.

They talked mostly about Otto's dad and what he meant to them and what they remembered and missed the most.

As Otto thought about his dad on his way home, he couldn't help thinking about how his father had changed over the years and how especially over the last one or two years of his life, it became VERY clear that he wanted (more than anything) what we ALL want.

And that was...

To know and feel that he was loved.

That's what we all want...

To know and feel that we're loved (especially by the people closest to us).

In fact, during the last year of Otto's dad's life, he'd close every telephone conversation with the same question...

"You love me, don't you?"

Even though, we'd repeatedly tell him that we loved him, he wanted one last confirmation of it before he hung up the phone.

Just like Otto's dad, we all go through all kinds of gyrations and shenanigans to try to get the people in our life to show and tell us that they love us in a way that we can really feel.

And sometimes our attempts to get love backfire on us and end up pushing those we love away.

If you're not getting the validation that you're important to your loved one and you want more, here are 3 tips to consider before you do the same things over and over that end up sabotaging your relationship...

Continue reading "What Dad Wanted That We All Want..." »

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Susie & Otto Collins




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