Love and Relationship Advice Blog

Spring is really here where we live in Ohio! This is a photo of some of the colors that surround our new home. And what's really ironic is that Susie thought she was leaving the beauty of flowering trees when we moved from our previous home.

She thought that because she was moving to a large city and leaving our wooded lot in our small town, she would have to give up seeing nature's beauty in the way she had enjoyed for over 30 years.

Not so!

What she had mourned leaving was actually even more beautiful in our new location--and she learned a valuable lesson about trust.

Continue reading "Relationship Advice for Trusting Change" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We wanted to let you know that we just created a brand new special report that shows you how you can reverse some of the things you could be doing in your relationship that can make a big difference when you reverse them.

We want to give you this info we just created at no charge.

It's our new "Relationship Reverse" Report.

We'll tell you how you can pick up a copy of it at no charge in a moment but...

If you're wondering what's a "Relationship Reverse?"

Think about it this way...

Sometimes when you're going somewhere, you realize that you just went to far, made a wrong turn or just decided to go somewhere else.

When this happens-- what's the first thing you have to do in order to get where you want to go?

You have to put your vehicle in "reverse", then back up, turn around and go a different direction in order to get where you want to go.

It's the same way in our relationships.

Sometimes, we have to "reverse" direction. Make some shifts in what we're doing and in most cases these small reverses can make big differences in the quality of our relationships and our lives.

We've identified 14 small (and not so small) things you can do right now that have the power to totally transform
the quality of your love relationship or marriage for the better.

Sometimes all you have to do is "reverse" some of things you've been doing that may not be working as well as you think and suddenly your relationship starts working better, you're feeling closer and more connected to your partner and you wonder "why didn't we do this before?"

What can you reverse in your relationship that can make a difference in your life?

No matter how close and connected you are with your partner-- we're willing to bet there are some things you can reverse quickly and easily and make things much better starting today.

Pick up a copy our brand new report--Relationship Reverse Report--(at no charge), print it out or read it from your computer screen and devour every word of it.

Put into practice even just one of our suggestions and watch your relationships get better and more loving.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today is Earth Day and there are activities worldwide that have been organized to bring awareness to our mother earth. We went to a garden center and bought several flowering bushes to be planted around the perimeter of our yard. We also set up an area for composting. Our daughter, her husband and our grandsons are going to participate in cleaning up a ravine in our town. The point is that this is a time for focusing on what what we can all do to add to the "greening" of where we live and start new habits that can help save our planet.

So what's all of this have to do with relationships?

Plenty.

When we do things to help make our area more green and a healthier environment for us to live, we can also make our world better by focusing on how we can communicate better with each other and how we can love more.

Here are some ways for you to practice communicating and loving more--whether it's Earth Day or not...

Continue reading "Celebrating Earth Day and your relationships" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We all have stories running in our minds all of the time and these stories can certainly separate us from the ones we love!

Here's what Jill and George told us about their communication challenge and some ways that they created the closer, more loving relationship that they wanted...

Jill and her husband George seemed to connect fairly well most of the time and communication wasn’t a problem but every now and then, when they were both tired, had a bad day at work or the kids were particularly cranky—their communication fell apart and they couldn’t seem to say anything right to one another.

They decided what they wanted instead, questioned their stories, made a new intention and they ran a different story in their minds.

At those stressful times, Jill complained to herself that all of the housework and care of the kids was on her shoulders—as well as doing her paid job. Her story was that George never helped and she was angry with him.

George's story was that Jill complained all of the time. He told himself that he worked hard all day, he was tired and didn’t feel like doing any “home” chores. His story was that Jill would take care of anything that needed to be done at night at home because she didn’t work as hard as he did.

The two of them obviously locked horns over this many times and it was hurting their marriage until they found a way to look at their situation and the stories they were telling themselves differently.

Continue reading "Communication With Your Partner: Change Your Story" »

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Building trust after there's been infidelity can take time--but more than that, it's takes commitment on the part of both people.

Here's a question from one of our readers...

"How can you trust your partner if at one point in time infidelity became part of your relationship?"

Our answer:
Trust is pretty subjective so the first thing we would tell you to do is to get clear about what you mean by the word "trust."

For example--trust that the two of you are going to work on your relationship to reconnect, trust that the affair is over, trust that the two of you will decide the future of your relationship after a certain period of time.

You can only start trusting when you both know what you both want and where you are headed with your relationship.

Take it a step at a time--such as making sure that there is a commitment that the affair is over. What does that look like?

Talk about if the two of you want to revitalize your relationship and to what extent you both are willing to do that.

What's a beginning step to moving toward one another?

Don't try to do "trust" in one shot. take it one commitment at a time. Create your commitments and then follow through on them. If you can take a step forward, do it. If not, don't.

When you look at regaining trust after infidelity, it looks like something that's overwhelming and not possible.

When you break it down into small commitments, it becomes less so.

Get clear first and then work out what being trustable would look like.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can we ever really know if someone is or will be faithful to us?

Here's a question we received recently from someone who wonders whether you can or not...

"I am very commited in my currant relationship and I believe she is. I am constantly working on my trust issues but my biggest question would be how do you know if the other person in the relationship is as faithful and WILL be as faithful as you?"

Here's our take on it...

"Trust" and being "faithful" in a relationship can mean something different for each one of us. We might think that everyone would define those words the same, but in our experience, it isn't true.

For one person, infidelity might be a partner frequently having lunch with an attractive co-worker. To another person, this might not be infidelity.

If there's one thing we believe it's this...you have to define the rules before you can play the game.

In other words, you have to know what each of you want in your relationship and how you are willing to live in it.

So whether infidelity is a concern or not, it's a good plan for the two of you to lay your cards on the table and talk about what infidelity or fidelity might look like in your relationship.

As for any assurances that someone will always be faithful to you?

In our opinion, you can't know but there is one thing that you can know...

The two of you can make the commitment that you will create your relationship in such a way that you are growing together and making it a priority in your lives. The two of you can learn communication skills that will create the environment so that you can talk about a situation before it ever gets to the infidelity stage--whatever that might mean to you.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last week we took a much-needed vacation, visiting friends in Folly Beach, South Carolina. Apparently, a lot of other people had the same idea to vacation that week because on the way home, I-77 north was a parking lot in several areas.

A couple of hours later when we were finally free of the traffic jam, we looked around for a logical reason that forced all of us to merge to one lane, but there wasn't any. There were no workers and no road construction was happening because it was Saturday. We had all merged and waited in a line for nothing.

As we thought about our long delay, it dawned on us that this is what we all do in our relationships from time to time. We put up blocks to each other that restrict our happiness--for absolutely no good reason!

The biggest culprit is our thoughts.

We assign meaning to what someone else says without asking for clarification. We assume that we know their intentions but since we are all so different, we can't really know for sure.

Even if you've lived with a person for years, there's usually a lot of assuming that goes on and putting each other in "boxes."

These "boxes" keep us from communicating and actually keep misunderstandings going.

Have you ever put someone in one of these boxes?

--the "spender" box
--the "miser" box
--the "you're smarter than I am" box
--the "irresponsible" box
--the "do it all" box
--the "pretty one" box
--the "talented one" box
--the "ding bat" box

The list could go on and on..but you probably get the idea.

When we find that the two of us have put each other in some sort of "box," we see it and open to listening to each other without preconceived ideas.

Believe it or not, "boxes" and preconceived ideas separate you from the important people in your life. If you want to create more love and joy in your life and your relationships, stop yourself when you begin to interact from that place of knowing what the other person is thinking or doing.

Simply stop and listen with your heart to the other.

If you do, you won't be putting up resistance and blocks to a great relationship.

Posted by Susie and Otto Collins at 09:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)